I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
