he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
