i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
