Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
