I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
