Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
