I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
