I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
pray to the hookup gods
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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