After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is it penis luge time yet?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
