I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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