I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
