I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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