Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
