i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
