I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
