I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
