I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
