My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this boner is exhausting
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
