I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
