Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
