So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
