She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
