I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
