Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
