I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
