fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
