Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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