He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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