So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My bed smells like the plague
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
