when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
