Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
