New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
