I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
