sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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