oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Randomize
