Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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