so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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