He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
