I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
