i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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