dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
