; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
