I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
