Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Come share oat with me in your robe
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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