I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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