JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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