Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
