Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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