He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
