i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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