one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My ATM looks so different sober.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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