Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
