he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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