forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
