i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
