i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
